Friday, June 08, 2007

It's a bird, it's a plane"......




No , it's just my can! I might as well slapped a sticker on my ass that said "Air-bus ". Here are the gory details of the day.

Many moons ago a dear friend of mine told me a truly funny story-similar to the one I'm going to share with you. At the time I remember thinking "g-d I would die if if anything like that happened to me. (insert dying-slowly). So, today started off like any typical day in our household. On the treadmill. No, not that kind of treadmill silly--you've seen my ass! I was running out the door (typical) to run some errands(Super Tar-jay) before going to friends house for a little play time for mommy and girls. Surprisingly I was dressed and ready to go. Meaning showered and in real clothes--A dress-not running/lounging outfit. *gasp* Even smacked some lipstick on too! The only colour my lips see are dry and cracked most days. Um-yummy. Anyway, back to my story.

I was running in the store (got a great parking spot thanks to my handi-sticker-compliments of broken leg) and felt a little breeze on the "back-side", however didn't think anything about it. After all I'm on a mission. I do notice a couple of sideways glances and even a smirk here and there. But no time to think about that. I have to get home and load the chicklet's into the car. So, I'm racing through the store with a vengeance. Grabbing and tossing things in the cart. Do I really need this? This girl is completely focused. Must hurry. More stares. I'm thinking to myself "umm, must still have it, yeah they think I'm hot"! So I'm feeling a little (lot) confident so I swing my rear a little more as I hurry down the aisles. I even put on my best smile for all to see. Yep, I'm feeling totally full of myself now and believe that I really do look hot. They as much as have told me with the way they're staring and smiling at me now. Uh-now would be a good time to share that I was wearing my favorite Diane Von Fustenburg wrap dress and my slinky strappy sandles. Start laughing now. I feel this little peck on my shoulder and I'm staring at one of those cute little Tar-jay greeter's She says "honey, I just thought I'd let you know that your dress uh might need straightening". For a second I didn't know what she was saying. And then the colour drained from my face as I reached around and grabbed my dress. Sure enough my dress was tucked inside my big momma bloomers! Oh my g-d how did this happen? "Um-um---uh thank you", as I reached around and tried frantically covering the "neon blinking light". My mind was racing. Oh man. Not a pretty picture. But at least I remembered to put on underwear as I managed(how does one forget?) not to put on my damn deodorant. I distinctly noticed an aroma that smelled much like an orangutan as I was scurrying outta the store. Shockingly it was me. Yeah, I was stinkin to high heaven. Note to self: Don't return anytime soon---for anything! Wondering now did I see anyone I knew?! G-d.

12 comments:

Sophie's Mom said...

I just picked myself up off the floor! Oh my... They weren't your 'that time of the month (stained) bloomers', were they???

You're quite a woman to tell that story! I think we should all share our embarassing stories like that! What do you say, everyone!
Christine

Sophie's Mom said...

Okay, here's mine. I was about 8 months pregnant, with my now 7 year old son. I was still working at the time (got done before giving birth, and I've been home ever since, yahoo!)

We had a pug that liked to chew underwear - worn underwear. Yuck!

Well, it was mid-day, and I went in to the bathroom at work, to pee. I pulled down my super-duper big maternity pants & underwear, to go. Much to my surprise the WHOLE CROTCH of the PANTS was gone. I'm talking a BIG HOLE. I can't believe I didn't feel the breeze down there! I was HORRIFIED! If I'd noticed it in the morning that would have been one thing, but it was well after lunchtime.

Then the thoughts of 'how many people have I flashed...' came to mind as I sat at my desk...

I guess the dog got them before they got into the wash, and I didn't notice when I folded them & put them on.

It's still too horrible to think about! That was more than 7 years ago and it still haunts me.. need therapy...

Does that make you feel any better???

Christine

Beverly said...

Oh my I don't even know what to say. I actually can't breathe laughing too hard. My greatest fear you have now lived.

Poor you. YOU need a stiff drink.

Beverly

tegdirb92 said...

i came for my twin fix and read your funny story. LOL--I bet you made a lot of people's day today!!

Too funny--
Bridget

cougchick said...

I'm so sorry. That must have been horrifying but at the same time think of all the people in blogland who got a great laugh today!!

Steffie B. said...

Oh yeah baby....you sexy little slut you! One hot Mama that's what you are! If I could only sizzle like you.....Boom Baby!

crazylady said...

You're the cats meow. Here kitty kitty.

Diana said...

Too friggin funny!!!! For us, not you, you may find this funny in a year from now, or not. (note: Sophie's mom).
Thanks for the laugh just when I needed it.

Ms. Dragonfly said...

Oh my God! I wonder how many blogs out there are being written about the "funny hot panty lady in Target" today! I bet this story is going miles in all directions!
Ya I'd be mortified to return too. Even if I had a toned hot set of buns, I still would never return.

Just another mommy said...

Oh, you don't know how much I needed a laugh. Thank you! You are doing a great public service with this post. And probably with the event itself (wink).

Trish said...

A piece of toilet paper hanging from the bottom of your heels and the look would have been complete, Baby!

theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

Funny thing Trish, I was thinking the same thing and with something big and black between my two front teeth. Now there would have been the "look"..

Rony