Doctor, Doctor

I'm overwhelmed by the kind emails and phone calls regarding my "Mr. Man". We received word from the specialist today that he will be going back to NYC for yet MORE test! They found some "abnormalities" and will be doing more invasive testing. Looks like he has a "date" with the specialist Memorial Day weekend - our 9th wedding anniversary. I've got to figure a way so that I can be there with him. I hate that he will be 5 hours from home with no family by his side.

BTW - We know that Mr. Man does NOT have the following illness':

Chrones disease

Cholitis

Pancreatic cancer

Kidney stones

Gal stones

Ulcer

Colin cancer

Celaic disease

Nana flew in yesterday to help out and to give me a much needed break! She has been a blessing. A.Blessing. She volunteered to watch the chickies today so that I could get outta the house for a while. Not only did the girls love playing with Nana, but she showered them with gifts and fun! They spent part of the morning putting puzzles together and coloring. If that wasn't enough Nana cooked a delicious dinner (yum-mee) AND then watched the little people so that I could go to my cake class. Mr. Man had an appointment with his stylist.... I hope she knows how much we appreciate her help! Tomorrws agenda - much needed make-over for Insane Mommy... stay tuned...

What color are you?

Conversation in our house has been colorful of late especially in light of the upcoming election. As you can imagine it's all we talk about 24/7. But, tonight at dinner the conversation took a different turn. See for yourself.

Abbey: "Mommy, look at me, I'm green". Laughing at her funny.

Me: "You are"? Thinking, sure...she can be whatever she wants.....

Abbey: "Yeah, and you're red". Laughing harder.

Me: "I am?? Are yoooooou sure"? Thinking to myself, where are we going with this.....

Abbey: "Yeah, and Mai's yellow"!

Daddy: "Umm, that's racist"..... trying not to laugh.....

Warranty Manual?

We interrupt the current program insert: my political rantings to share a conversation sweet thing and I had the other night as we were getting the chicks ready for bed.


Sweet thing: "I've been looking for this".

Me: "Hmm, what"?.... not really listening..focusing on getting girls ready for bed...

Sweet thing: "This, they gave it to us in China".

Me: "What are you talking about"?

Sweet thing: "The owner's manual"!

Me: Glancing up suspiciously.... "Wh... when did they give us that"? thinking it woud have come in handy.....

Sweet thing: "Right after they handed us the girls and took off in the get-away car (true, they didn't hang around long--especially once the screaming started!)

Still laughing... we just need someone to translate it. Of course it's not really an owner's manual. However it would have come in handy those first 18 months... At any rate what a treasure to give to the girls someday. A gorgeous signed book from the orphanage. I wish they'd thought to give us two books.

Coffee, tea or me???

I know what you must be thinking. Most little girls learn to bake cookies with their mommies. Right? Mine? Coffee of course.

I'm an addict love my coffee almost as much as sex. Of course this is safe. The coffee. Hmmmm, what I'd to to have some good steamy sex.....AND Coffee....

Katie is alergic to everything under the universe and it would hardly be fair for Abbey to lick, suck and smack her fingers on the sweet ecstasy while Katie looks on. So, we came up with plan B. They help mommy make coffee. They have mastered smelling coffee like a drug lord! Screaming "Columbian mommy" as they put their noses in the canister as I carefully have trained them to do. You should see them sniffing and swirling the wine......I see a future here....lol.. They carefully count the five scopes it takes to make mommies coffee with near perfection.

The funniest thing is when they see me heading to the pantry for the coffee, they drop everything. Literally. Nomatter what their doing. Grabbing their little chairs and dragging them to the coffee machine shouting out who goes first. Pushing the button to grind the coffee saying "my turn, my turn". AND then when it's grinded squealing "smell mommy, smell"! I get such a kick out of them. Too cute for words......

The Nights of Radanthe almost.....

What involves mouth watering food, great dialogue, mommy juice, nudity, speeding tickets, spills, laughter, and tears?! No, not me doing a burlesque. Although that would bring a tear or two. Somehow I can almost hear the chants now, "put it on, put it on, oh g-d please put it on"! However, if I stand stood on my head I think everything would look great. Not that I would know....Vacation of course! AND no, again it was not me doing an act of seduction as much as it was the chicks. They were brave. Not only did they disrobe but they jumped in the freezing pool laughing like Michael Phelps! Lucky for me Mai was not afraid to get in to the frigid waters. As cold as it was I had to finally pull them from the polar waters kicking and screaming.

Those who know me Really. Know. Me. know my love of the ocean. I was looking forward to a final hoo-raa beach trip before the bitter winter were upon us in Washington. This was gonna be some trip. The. Best. One of my favorite twinny mom's had invited us to join them and many of their friends to share a house big ass mo-foo kick ass house in Corolla, North Carolina for a week of fun in the sun. Which would forever be known as "The Nights in Rodanthe"! This house had two of everything. Two refreigerators, two ovens, two dishwashers AND two set of twins, it did not only just have two bedrooms but nine plus 8 + 2 1/2 baths and a huge theater room plus pool....plus hot-tub.... and oh... my... g-d... and the El-eeeeee-vaaaa-tor..... and so much more....it was Un- be-liev-able.

But... well... there always seems to be a but. Exactly halfway there we stopped for a pee break. It was a much needed "mandatory" break as my eye balls were floating and my expandables were stretched to a thread. Note to self; do not drink a gallon of coffee before a road trip and then continue to guzzle! Anyway, I noticed sweet thing was a bit wobbly as he strolled out of the can. Not only did he look faint but his breathing was rapid and he was pale. After I twisted his arm much persuasion he handed me the keys and I drove the the rest of the way. It did not occur to me to ask him if we should turn back. He would spend the remainder of our trip in the bed without so much as a nibble to eat. Sucking on water and ginger ale. I asked at one point if his life insurance was current. ...of course I was kidding....He was one sick boy. Unfortunately we wold not know how sick until after we returned home.

It was amazing how well everyone got along. There were singles, Josh, and Jimmy-- not to be mistaken for a couple -- they weren't! Grandparent's Lloyd and his darling partner Kathy, Lloyd's daughter Melissa and her amazing husband Jason (awesome cook!) and their beautiful blue eyed baby Thad, and of course Cindy and Ed and Sammie and Nickie and Sweet thing and me and Mai, and Abbey and Katie and the best part.... New friends! The food was out of this world. Restaurant quality. Everyone volunteered a turn in the kitchen creating something new and fantastic for all to salivate over at dinnertime. Those who weren't on kp duty would pull up a bar stool wine in hand and watch as something succulent unfolded before our eyes. No surprise, there was never a morsel left over. Oh, my. We dined on Italian, Greek and Mexican... oh... and the wine.....the wine.... the wine..there was always a bottle open and there was always a glass to be filled. And the conversation...it was rich. We never ran out of anything to talk about. Although the upcoming election was topic of discussion. The. Topic. Of. Conversation! Hard to imagine so many of the same mind set all under one roof. Wow.

The little girls picked up where they left off. Running through the house screaming "Abbeykatie, Abbeykatie" and "Sammienickie, Sammienickie" as if that were each of their names! Ok, so it wasn't sunny, and it was cold as shit...we had to make a run to the local tourist shop for sweat shirts...and sweet thing was so sick he barely enjoyed it.... but it was so awesome to have met so many unbelievably great people. I truly will treasure it forever. I hope we can do this again next year, and include Annie and her klan. It was just too fun! I hope you know how special you are to me!

But before we would get home I too would be pulled over by one of Carrituck counties finest. He did not buy the line that my sweet thing was dying! We were not kidding. But, apparantly he gets that a lot and was not amused. What I discovered was law business in Carrituck must be a bit peaked this time of year as I recieved 10 advertisments from law firms offering to represent me in court! They warned against ignoring the fine. Like I'd do that! lol.. But I certainly won't be needing representation, nor will I be driving four hours to appear in court for a 150.oo ticket. We paid it on-line and I promptly returned all their print mail "return to sender"! Bwahahaha!




Update: Sweet thing has been back to the doctor's three times since returning. He and his doc are on very friendly terms as our doc now refers to sweet thing as "Mr. G". I cracked up when I listened to the message. Anyway, the poor guy has been poked so many times you'd think they would know what is wrong with him. What we do know. His liver count was alarmingly high. (over 600++ norm is 30-40) Our doctor called himself to discuss the results. He told sweet thing he was concerned and he needed to run some more tests. They re-ran the tests and they were still through the roof. He is scheduled for more test and an ultra sound next week. None of this is related to the original illness.

"Before I was a Mom"

I use to think being a mom was easy. (yes, I judged from afar) That was before I became a mom. I know now it is effing hard! As I sit here watching my girls play with one (rare occasion) another without hitting or screaming I think about the things that have changed in my life since the babies and the things I swore I'd never do!

• "I''ll never let my kids watch T.V. ever". Does it count if it's edumakational?
• I've never left the house without my purse or drivers license. Had a sinking feeling I had put it on car and all my personal effects and tampons were strung all over my neighborhood. Relieved when lm confirmed it was still safely sitting on the counter.
• I've never gone to the grocery store without a wallet. Yeah this too has happened to me with a cart load of groceries and a line of people. The mind....
• I've never missed a doctor's appointment nor showed up a week early for that matter!
• I have missed more mandatory work related meetings than I can count.
• I didn't know that dementia would set in so early.
  
• I have not used the word "No" so much in my life! Note to self: Must come up with a better word.
• I have not had so little sex since bc. Sorry honey--just so damn tired.
• I have not slept through the night since bc. The slightest noise and I'm awake--the rest of the night.
• Sleeping in? Oh yeah, 7:00am.
• I have not been so tired in my entire life. Dog ass crawling tired.
• I never thought it possible to miss my "spa" treatments.
• I haven't worn lipstick in so long that when I do the girls look at me like I'm an ailen.
  
• I have not laughed so hard or for that matter cried too.
• I never thought that I would be a sucker for a "pease mommy, pease". Yep anything they want!
• I've never taken so many fotos of same subject (my gorgeous sweetie pies) in my life! Over 10,000 and counting.....
• I know what a landfill is....(I've changed more diapers than you can imagine).
  
• I never knew raising twins would be so challenging. I know I told you it wouldn't...jokes on me.
• I never knew being a mom would be so gratifying.
• I know what it is to love. Unconditionally.

"Mamarazzi" in action again.... see for yourself the cutie pies helping daddy water our 3x3 Barbie lawn.

"I do and they did"

Introducing: Mr. & Mrs. Daniel Moore





Gosh, I did not expect this to take so long to no free time lately put together a wedding tribute for Dan and Carrie. But I wanted to get through the Mother's Day hoop-la being that it's all about me.

I wanted the world to know that Dan Moore had taken finally the lovely Carrie Sobczyk to be his wife. This girl makes Uma Thurman look like a dog. bow-wow-woof. Truly beautiful. Inside and out. The kind of girl who will take your breath away. Gosh, I may have a girl crush on Carrie. *snicker*.

As many know we were in the Outer Banks for their nuptials. It was a wedding of all weddings. Swanky. The bride was drop dead stinkin' gorgeous. Stunning. And she was cool as a cucumber. The groom too--so so handsome. Carrie made *gasp* the morning of her wedding the gorgeous flower arrangements (I remember back to my wedding day and *blush* I ordered my flowers.....both times....shameful) for reception and her bouquet as well as the wedding party. (fresh herbs and flowers). Now, I am not easily impressed, but dang this young Uma Thurman look a-like blew my panties off! (yes I was wearing them too) She was amazing. Danny is one lucky dude. *wink* Don't screw it up Dan! We want to keep her......really we do.....can we, can we?

The weekend near perfect-o when all of Jeff's college (cuuuuties ) buddies showed up for the party. Only Clooney, Depp and Pitt were unable to attend. Something about a premier or something...

The crazy (and still sooo single) Larry Lamont had flown in from Melboring, Florida. Always lots and lots of craziness with Larry. (hopefully nothing too crazy on that early am walk on the beach-Larrrrreeeee...) He had arrived in with little or no sleep in days. He had just barely returned from a two week business stint in Korea. Something about buying a country or something like that. The boy was dog ass tired but as we all know always up for a party. Mike and Beth Roy (First time meeting Beth-I was unable to attend their wedding two years earlier-man, what a doll) had drove in from Atlanta, Georgia. A really cute, cute couple. They seem to really dig one another and are currently trying to have a baby. We all know what that mean. They're having a lot of sex. And that's exactly what Beth said.!! Go girl cause you won't be doing that when that baby comes nor will you want to! Not to be forgotten the ever so sexy group legal council Jason George(always immaculately dressed for any occasion) and his gorgeous wife Lori drove in from D.C. Actually Lori was on a business trip in South beach until the morning of the wedding and pulled herself off of a yacht to join the party. (I want her job...). Thankfully we did not need to utilize Jason's services as everyone was well behaved. Phew... Although I did hear about someone trying to steal a bull dozer on the beach... hmmm... must get to the bottom of that. My guess it was Larry who suggested...just a guess.

The day of the wedding I was given a small (not so small in reality) responsibility. Did I mention that the wedding was outside? I should have been paralyzed with fear. No gates, no doors! Ok, I'm scared. My little grrrr-illlas were the flower girls. Yeah, if I were Carrie I would have been drinking! It would surely numb the pain for what was to follow. Anything was game at this point.

So, they ask me to keep the children (my twins and Danny's son Ronan --age four) in -tow until their turn to grace everyone with the ooohs, and awwws. Have you ever tried cornering twinkies almost two and an active four year old?! That's Beetle Juice heading spinning. Oh, and make sure Ronan's shirt is tucked in. Ah, yeah, right Danny. Sure.

Well for anyone who has seen "My best friend's Wedding", that was me but chasing Ronan, Katie, and Abbey. None of them running in the same direction! I was also suppose to signal the bridal party when the guitarist had finished playing Ava Maria' and started the next tune. Umm, ok it all was sounding the same to me. So, I reluctanly gave the thumbs up that it was time. Sure, I think the tempo changed. Sorry, Carrie I hope I didn't screw your oh-so special day. You still looked beautiful.

Not surprisingly but right before Abbey and Katie (Abbey who had already tripped and fallen in the dirt earlier-twice--well of course she did) were to skip down the lawn -- Abbey fell and hit her head on a rock. Big rock. Oh great, no,no don't cry baby as I grab her hand and Katie's hand and we sail down the lawn like the flying nun and her sistas'. Their little feet barely grazing the ground as we zip down the lawn and circle the wedding party with mommy whispering "smile" kid. Lord help these children 'o' mine . Mai tailing us as we locate a safe place out of earshot for us to sit. You might call it "drive-by flower-girls" with their own entourage in tow. *snicker*. I'm praying that the girls don't start screeching as Dan and Carrie are saying their vows when Katie starts chanting "Daddy, daddy, daddy". Me wanting to dig a hole where I'm sitting. Oy. Abbey my mood ring on a good day gets fidgety and within seconds has destroyed the gorgeous hand bag Carrie had put together just that morning with fresh flowers. "The Destroyer". *sigh*.

We sipped on home made tea with fresh mint courtesy of the bride--she's a true southern belle as we all milled about the gorgeous gardens. (The Queen Elizabeth Garden in Manteo,NC) There were plenty of pictures to be taken as the back-drop was too perfect. Unfortunately for me Katie was not going to cooperate so they were forced to have me sit in one of the photos with Katie perched on my lap. I wonder now if I remembered to put my lipstick on?

Carrie did not miss one minuet detail. Everything about the weekend was perfect. l had a good time. Conversation without limits. Ahhh my favorite. I was high as a kite that my kids took naps without medication (joking) and went to sleep at night (in a strange bed not a crib) so that mommy and daddy could enjoy the evenings with good friends and spirits. It's good to have friends. Awww, yes babies sleep...

Thank you Carrie and Danny for including us. I am honoured and grateful that we were included in the company of such loved ones. I will cherish the memory always.

Larry you've been tagged.....you're next. Surely you know what this means..... Don't make me stalk you to s'plain it to you. *wink*

Shield your eyes.. This could hurt.

The cuteness here is totally irresistible! Can you stand it? know I am usually the "mamarazzi" (Sen will confirm--I need a sponsor!) but daddy got these great "paparazzi" shots on Mother's Day of all my girls! I just had to share.... They are too cute for words. Thank you girls (Mai too) for making my first full year as a mother so special. It's more than I ever dreamed.

Oh..and daddy surprised(no clue he was doing anything) mommy with a satelite radio for her car for Mother's Day. Now I can listen to my favorite country music without interruptions and the uncensored comedy channels... Without girls in the car of course.

Then and Now

Mother's Day is upon us and I am anxiously awaiting what's in store for me. *grin*I saw this the other day and had to pass it along. It kind of hit home... In a funny way.






Then:

• hair pulled into chic ponytail -- regular hair appointments--wouldn't dream of missing.
  
• stylish bag -- Gucci would be bag of choice.
• stunning wardrobe---Versace, Channel, Prada-- ok so now I'm dreaming.
  
• Trendy Pumps-- I won't go there I spend money on shoes...lots....
• smells like a parfume factory--- Kinda like a whore house...Coco, Channel, Clairborne, Cartier...you get the drift
• slit skirt-- nothing showing too much thigh. don't want anyone to get the wrong idea..I am a mommy!
• bling, bling, and more bling... LOVE THE FLASH....
  
• fancy schmancy dinners --- waited on hand and foot served delicious wines by the glass..
  

Now:

• hair pulled out of ponytail-- err it was eight months since my last "treatment".
  
• diaper bag--- complete with "Baby" in big letters.
• sensible shoes-- anything easy to slip into as I'm always running and usually late!
• stained wardrobe-- usually wearing the same leisure world outfit (used that word again) days on end. definately stained.....
  
• spit-up pants---stretch to boot... got to be able to chase the little monsters in something that moves.....
• bare beat up hands no bling here just watch and earrings. Saaaadd...
• slaving over the stove--- although higher quality of nutrition no real glamma here. no one waiting on me....and the wine-- I get myself...

I hope you all have a wonderful mother's day. I know I will.