Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Inportant Health Advice for Women



IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Just ask me....

White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness
and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. AM I RETIRED YET??

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. I MAY RUN FOR PRESIDENT TOO.....

Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine. I'M LIVING NOW...

White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. I'M NOT....

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. I TRIED THAT TOO....

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister. IS THAT WHAT WE WERE DOING LAST NIGHT?

WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.
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WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

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WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people

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NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE!!!

14 comments:

EllieNat said...

OHMY GOSH!!!! That is SOOOOO hilarious! (Just for the record, I LOVE my white wine!!!)

Mimi said...

This is perfect... rotfl

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

You are toooo funny...
Hope all is well..
Have a Great Week...
Hugs...

Ellie Monster said...

It's obivious that I have not consumed enough white wine in my life. Note to self, pick up three-four bottles before next date. ;)

Christy said...

Love that!! Been there and done many of those-- in fact-- sadly-- two weekends ago I think I may have attempted many of the Warnings--whoops!!

Oh, to top all of this-- read my blog's story in the red print. I even tried to have my daughter try a bit of the "treatment" -- double Whoops!!!

Anyway-- very cute!!

Christy :)

Steffie B. said...

OMW....this was great.....I was cracking up! ;)

Gail said...

Hmmm...might have to have some right now...love this!

Carol and Taylor said...

Cheers from Miami (clink!)

Nikki said...

That was too funny...and too close to home. (I had a bit too much fun on Saturday nite...and what do you think I was drinking!?)

Kathryn said...

I have been on white wine for many years now. It was prescribed to me by my sister many years ago. It has improved my ability to like my husband at times. It has improved my libido. It makes me ridiculously lovey dovey to my friends and as I have been told in the past, I'm much more fun even after a small dose!!! White wine has been so successful that I have not even bothered with red wine (don't like it). Even hubby will rush out to by some more if I am not in the desired mood and he senses I am ready to rip his head off!!!!!!!!

Amyesq said...

I LOVE it! I am going to have to send this link to a few folks. I, too, faithfully renew my prescription at the grocery store every week :-)

Oh, and I have a magnet that reads "I have twins, so I drink TWICE as much"

Hmm.. now I sound like a lush.

Heza Hekele said...

Your very funny. Red wine does not agree with me...white on the other hand...

Mr.Brian said...

I have found that Captian Morgan works very well for the men.
Many of the same great effects.
And it makes all women look good.
And mostly it makes you dance like a fool. I mean dance like John Travolta.
Have a great weekend,I am thinking a little time with the captian would be good this weekend.

jennifer said...

That's funny.

Have a great weekend!