Thursday, April 10, 2008

Revealing a piece of my soul...

We were driving home from Ohio a couple of weeks ago, the girls were in the back singing at the top of their lungs, when I had an epiphany. One of those uh-ha moments. I couldn't shake the image. I started thinking about my past and the people who have touched my life. We all have one and I've never hidden mine. I realized at that very moment that I never wanted to forget any of the details of my life, down to my "first" love . It was after all part of who I was today. Today I will peel away some of the layers and share with you who I am and how I got here. I'll share a piece of my heart....Grab a glass of wine this could take a while......

I always knew had no idea what I wanted for as long as I can recall. I giggled at the thought of him, my first love to as if it were yesterday. He could bring me to my knees just with a flash of his smile. I swear I would nearly melt right there on the floor. He had the most gorgeous eyes and movie star good looks. G-d. I. Knew. He. Was. The.One. I was in love. The first kiss. The one that would leave me breathless and panting for more. And that body. Ahhhh, the body. He was my first. I loved him so deeply. Well, so I thought. We dated for a year maybe longer. But then things started to changed. What I had found so endearing were now plain annoying. I didn't want or need him telling me what to do, but I didn't know how to get rid of him. I didn't want to hurt him. Fortunately for me, we moved. And far away. I knew there was no future with him. Ev-er. Not that he didn't want it. I think he thought we would be forever and ever. I could not see me spending my life with him.( I was much to young to be thinking of forever!) He had no plans or his future. So I broke up with him with the excuse that it would be impossible to date long distance. He cried like a baby. I remember looking at him and feeling so sorry for him. He looked so weak at that moment. I turned and walked away never to look back. This would become a pattern for me over the years. When things got "edgy" I would throw in the towel. It was easier to let them go then try to explain that they just weren't right for me. To be continued........

Note: I haven't seen "him" in years.....(like almost 30!) and have know idea what ever became of him.....When I broke up with him I moved on in my heart...I imagine he is still a looker. He was such a nice guy.

11 comments:

Isabella's Mommy & Daddy(Kim & John) said...

I am loving it ...
I was a runner all my life.. it was easier then actually settling down..and I think it was because.......
HUGS to you girly..
Can't wait to read the rest...

Sophie's Mom said...

Heartbreaker Roni - look at you, no surprise there! ;) So, do you know what's become of him? Aren't you curious? (balding accountant... etc?)

El fil vermell said...

Helloo!
Beautiful girls and blog!
Have you seen the Spanish news of three Chinese adopted girls?
It is brilliant!
See my blog!

AnnA (Catalonia)

Amyesq said...

Ooh, can't wait for part 2! I want a pic of the 1st love.

I still talk to mine occasionally. In fact, he and his wife ended up adopting transracially. Never thought our conversations at 14 about who loved The Thompson Twins more would evolve into whether it is easier to adopt domestically or internationally and who was more blessed. But I'm glad they did.

Steffie B. said...

waiting on the edge of my seat....;)

E. said...

You were so right! We are just alike. IN the words of the Dixie Chicks, I'm always ready to run. ;)
I can't wait to hear part 2 (and 3, 4, 5...)

Jewels of My Heart said...

We are expecting frequent posts here........ ok, next chapter please..... I can't stand cliff hangers.

Jonni, John & Sofia said...

Okay girlfriend, spill the beans...I need the rest of the story!!! :)

Hugs,
Jonni

Kristy said...

I think it is completely awesome for you to start sharing such personal things about your life. I look forward to reading the rest. You are already such a great gal in my eyes and heart that I can't even imagine what is to come. KEEP TYPING!!

Love, Kristy

Bonnie'n'Clyde said...

I had one of those come back and find me after 20 years. It was a disaster. And I couldn't get rid of him. Longest week of my life. Those memories should remain memories, because we are NOT who we were back then!!

chris said...

What, you haven't googled him?