Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Baby on Board?

I love my job. I really do love my job and I'm good at what I do. I sell dreams. New homes. Expensive new homes. True. It comes naturally for me. I'm passionate about it. Just as I am my babies and fh. I've been told I have a gift. People trust me. I am a sales manager(no shock here) for a large new home builder in the D.C. area. I come into contact with a lot of people on a daily basis. Good people.Educated people. Kind people. Well, most of the time. I meet alot of people. But what never seizes to amaze me is how insensitive people can be with their probing. I know I should feel flattered that people find me so interesting, but some things are well, personal. I know to the masses I am an open book. Yes, I too would agree. Most of the time. But on my terms. When I'm comfortable sharing my inner self. Even I have my breaking point. But today I was reminded of something that I had buried deep, deep within my sole. I thought I had come to terms with. Something that I thought I had accepted. Stashed away in the vault. Well ,so I thought. But today I was blind sided by the reminder. The shield was broken today. It hurt.

This is the conversation that brought me to tears:
Me: Always ready to greet with a chipper smile and make customer feel welcome. "Hello, ladies. Welcome to XX Homes, my name is Rony."

Customer: Smiling. "Hello,, thank you, would it be ok if we looked around"?

Me: "Oh, of course"! "Is this your first time here or is there anything I can share with you about the community"?

Customer: "No, we were considering a possible move and wanted to see what was on the market out here". I'm guessing they live in D.C. or close by.

Me: "Great, where are you from"?

Customer: Smiling, "Arlington". Yep, see I knew. Of course they comment on how far the community is to D.C. (30 miles). Like it was 12 states away.....shzzz..

Me: "Ah, yes Arlington. I love the city, great food too".

Customer: As she is eyeballing me very strangely, and then there it was "Are you pregnant"? Oh, my g-d. Did she just ask me that? She waves her hand towards my dress. I actually thought she was going to touch me. Please don't let her touch me. I jump back.

Me: "Um, well, it's the"....customer trying to interrupt. please tell her to shut-up and let me finish.

Customer: Without missing a beat. "Oh, that's great".

Me: "No, no, I'm not pregnant, we were never able" as I stand there stuttering..wanting to climb through the floor....Is she still here?

Customer's Friend: As she points at my dress and tries to explain to her friend "that''s the style now", that's what the young are wearing". Yeah, my dress looks like a tent.

Me: Did she call me young? "Yes, oh, I know it's a bit revealing, but" Oh, just shut-up. When will they leave. Make them leave. I knew I shouldn't have worn this dress......

Customer: She could clearly see I was upset. "I'm so sorry, really".

Me: "It's ok, we were unalbe to conceive our own". Shit, why did I say that? I just wanted them to get out of my house.

Customer: Figuring she needs to say something. "Can we still look around"??

Me: Oh, g-d their going to say. Smiling "yes, please let me know if you have any other questions". G-d did I just say that? What time is it?? I need to go home.

Today I was reminded of something I would never experience. No matter how much I wanted it, it would never happen. I would never feel life within my womb. I would never have a big round belly like a basketball. I would never give birth. Today I cried. Really cried.

I am pictured in the dress I was wearing today. Ok, it's a bit revealing as my fh pointed out. But, the market in D.C. has been tight. I wanted to make sure my customer's all returned. I will be retiring this dress. For work anyway....


nikki said...

I'm so sorry...that dream is a tough one to get over...I don't know if I'll ever let go of it completely. (I went to a baby shower this past weekend and wore a top that looked kind-of maternity-like and I prayed like heck no one would ask me if I was expecting.) Big hugs to you from someone who does understand.

Katie J said...

Yeah, just when you think it's safe to go back in the water, someone asks a dumb question. Do people not understand they should never ask unless it's very obvious?

In so many ways I'm over so much of the pain of not giving birth to a child, but sometimes it hurts still. This is my first comment and I just had to say you're not alone.

And that dress? Fabulous!

a&mg said...

I'm sorry, my friend. I know the way it can suddenly and unexpectedly hit like a ton of bricks. I am so thrilled with the way we are starting a family, but the grief and loss of that pregnancy dream still finds a way to creep back when I least expect it. Know you aren't alone.

And for the record, you look like a hottie in that dress:)

Mrs. Incredible said...

I'm so sorry! That lady needed to go home and think about what she'd said and NEVER do it again. Cheesh. For what it's worth, the dress is really cute.

secret agent said...

Sending you a hug.
I think the dress is cute too and I don't think you look pg in it.
Was this woman 100 ys. old?

Noemi said...

That was really unfortunate... I am sorry, why do people feel they can ask these questions to a perfect stranger? Ohh and by the way the dress is really cute!

Kristi said...


That dress is adorable and looks NOTHING like a maternity dress. And you don't look at all pregnant. Some people just open their mouths and let any old thing spill out.

I'm sorry that the comment brought up such sadness. Just remember that being a good parent has nothing to do with passing along your DNA. You have two beautiful daughters and even though you didn't give birth to them, the process you -- we -- went through is no less miraculous!


P.S. Maybe it was your well-endowed chest that the woman was admiring and thought it was due to being pg. :)

Donna Paonessa said...

Sorry some twit caused you to feel such pain. It's a hard thing to go through and we all come to acceptance on our own terms.....or not. Only those of us who have experienced the same heartache really understand those feelings.

You look amazing in that dress; gorgeous!!

Steffie B. said...

Oh my dear friend........I so wished we lived closer so I could give you a great big hug and say'Just cry"......although I don't know your pain, I have told Nikki several times that bringing Sophia home far exceeds having a child myself. It is a different emotion, but not a different love. That is the same.....you looked Stunning in that dress....I hope you have a better day.....smooch those adorable girls you have....and be thankful....for they are a gift that only some are blessed with!

Jeter's Mama said...

dumb asses.
You NEVER EVER ask a women if she is pregnant unless you know for sure, absolutely positively, that she is pregnant.....like only if she is 10 inches dilated.
I'm sorry you had a bad day. So sorry....

Sophie's Mom said...

Great dress + ignorant customer = bad day.

So sorry.


chris said...

I have never commented here but I read your blog because you are terribly funny and aren't one of those annoying "precious" mommies. That woman was truly an idiot. I can only surmise that she was awestruck by your fabulous rack and lost all her manners.

Your daughters are adorable, by the way.

kris said...

Rony... my heart feels heavy with yours. I can't imagine the pain of that reminder having never really felt the desire to be pregnant, but I watched my sister suffer through it, and I know that pain is deep and tangible.

I am so sorry this happened. The dress is gorgeous and you look like a rockstar. Don't hang it up.

(Sorry I haven't commented lately, your blog was shutting me down and now I can get here, but the page loads at least 2x before I can move my mouse. It's much better. And I love the new look).

Julie said...

F- her girl! You looked great and she was stupid. that being said, I am so sorry that she triggered this for you. Sending hugs and a glass of the grape your way!


jennifer said...

I am so sorry that happened to you. I don't understand people who don't think before they speak. I think the dress looks adorable! Hope today is better for you.

Christine said...

Soryy to hear how rude people are. People say women are more sensitve than men - but sometimes they are plain insensitive and nosey. Like- what business is it of hers?
The dress is "in" -my 27 yr sister has one like it - you are one cool chick.
Now that you are mad about it - you could have made up some dramatic tabloid type story and really made her wish she never asked. But again - it is tough when you have to keep your image.
Hug yourself and your cuties- they were meant to be with you.

Two Kayaks said...

Firstly, you look amazing in that dress and I lust after your body.
Secondly, to say that I understand the desire to watch one's own belly grow in pregnancy is an understatement. Sometimes, things like this catch us off guard and a good cry is always a good thing.
Thinkign about you and sending you a ton of hugs.

Two Kayaks said...

Firstly, you look amazing in that dress and I lust after your body.
Secondly, to say that I understand the desire to watch one's own belly grow in pregnancy is an understatement. Sometimes, things like this catch us off guard and a good cry is always a good thing.
Thinking about you and sending you a ton of hugs.

Ms. Dragonfly said...

#1 I love the dress
#2 what a 'tard tha woman is
#3 I would have made her uncomfortable with a "No. Not pregnant. I can't believe anyone asks such questions anymore. Are you naturally stupid or do you work at it?"
Ok I wouldn't have said that. But I've ben asked if I'm pregnant afew times and I always think, as I do for all stupid questions, i reflects how stupid the person is and requires no defence from me.

lesleysmeshly said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry you had to put up with her insensitivity. You look absolutely gorgeous in your dress (and I'm loving the cleavage). Just look at your two beautiful daughters and know they were meant to be with you, their mama.

Steffie B. said...

I'm still thinking of you...where are you?

Beverly said...

It does hurt to get blindsided like that. Hope your heart heals soon. Maybe it needed to open a little inorder to heal somemore.


Lauren and Ed said...

First of all, let me say you looked spectacular in that dress. Yes, that's right, you wear it again! Secondly, what woman on this planet has not learned NEVER to ask that question to a woman even if it is blatently obvious that she is not pregnant? I sometimes too get teary when I realize I can't partake in "pregnancy" conversation with my good friends. I just kind of sit there. However, I remind myself that only WE know the joy we have experienced thorough our adoptions. Though different, yes, it has many of the same highs and lows as pregancy, and it is OURS to cherish!

kerri said...

and more
I'm sorry.

LaLa said...

Awww. sweetie, huge {{{HUGS}}} sent your way. I too have felt these pains of not experiencing being pregnant and the birthing experience. That really is all we have missed b/c we sure have all the Mommy experience. Like others have said..I truly am sorry for those who haven't had the adoption experience. Wow, to go to the other side of the world and have a baby put in your arms (in your case two) I get teared up thinking of it.

Sorry you had to deal with an idiot..you look amazing in that dress. Do NOT hang it up!!

JoAnn in NJ said...

Hi Roni,
I echo everyone's comments that you look lovely in that dress!

Some people (and you hinted that they were older) are insensitive. Just remind yourself that they don't matter.

Practice this..if anyone every asks you again...just say "oh god no, not with twin toddlers, we're up to our ears!" and that will completely change the subject. Plus people will think you look FABBBY having delivered twins!

I'm so sorry you're still hurting. An adoption mentor of mine once told me that she never came to terms with her own infertility until after she adopted her children (and she's in her 60's)

You are fabulous, beautiful and a very funny woman. You have a happy marriage and twin beauties to raise. Don't let them steal your joy!
Take care!
JoAnn in NJ

Lori said...

Don't you dare put that dress away, you look gorgeous in it!!
I'm sorry for the sadness you felt today...sending you lots and lots of hugs!!

mommy24treasures said...

you have already had tons of comments saying what I want to say, but I will anyway, A)I think you look marevelous in the dress, honestly. I would not retire it.
B) Like SteffieB said, adoption far exceeded giving birth for me too. Adoption is a miraculous thing, I am so glad you got to experience it and have your precious adoprable angels.
I wish I could make your hurt go away.
SO sorry for your yucky day.

Steffie B. said...

let me know when you need a good laugh.....I got a good one to email you! ;)

Salome's Mom said...

I have been there, words fail. I am sending you a big hug my friend.
The dress is lovely, look around you, your real children love you. You are not empty.


The Waters said...

Very touching post, I feel for you... who the hell asks that question anyway?


theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

I have to say I laughed, oh did I laugh, and I cried and yes I even I smiled after reading the beautiful things you all wrote. I feel lucky to call all of you ladies "friends". You have no idea how much it means to me. Yes, I love, (love doesn't even describe the feelings) my children to pieces. But for whatever reason (Yes, dear evil twin--you were right I was menstrual) I was an emotional wreck yesterday. It's as if someone opened the flood gates and I couldn't close it fast enough. It's as if I were drowning. Raw with emotion. Yes, I thought I had gotten passed the pregnancy thing. I could actually look at a pregnant woman and smile. Well, sorta. I couldn't do that a year ago. But yesterday I just couldn't stop it. This one is bigger than me. Sadly this is something I will never experience. Yes, I am a mother and feel so lucky for that. I love how our family came to be through adoption. I am truly lucky. But yesterday I felt less than whole. I will get through this. I always do.

I adore all of you.

crazylady said...

sorry I'm late (is it still fashionable?).
Cleavage sells homes.

Losers keep breathing the same air.

Hope anonymous doesn't strike here to tell you to 'get over it' like he did on my blog.
love ya, a million miles away.

Diana said...

That is a great dress, and that lady was probably jealous of you. So sorry you were feeling down and I missed the whole thing.
If it makes you feel better I an sending you some cyber hugs..
Hope you're feeling much better.

Lisa M. said...

I have been loving that trapeze tops and dresses are hot this summer. That chick was high, you look fantastic in that dress, not preggo.

Mr.Brian said...

Hey if I was looking at houses and saw you wearing that dress I would buy 2 houses.But then again I am a dirty old man.LOLOLOL
I can not tell you I know how you fel or maybe even find the right words to say.I just hope as you read these comments it gives you somepeace and helps heal the hurt you were given by some lady today.
I know I've stuck my foot in my mouth before without meaning to, I am sure she felt like doggie dodo too.
Maybe I will buy three houses if you do that pose for me.

redmaryjanes said...

I'm so sorry Rony. You would think that by their age they would have figured out that you never ask anyone if they are expecting unless they bring it up or it's so blatantly obvious that they may just deliver right there on the spot.
I'm sending you a hug and a marguerita.

shelley said...

People suck!!!!!!!!!!!

Jewels of My Heart said...

Oh, Rony, I am so sorry. People just amaze me sometimes.... You look hot in that dress and it is darling... I understand your pain. I think I have completely healed... I still grieve that I wasn't able to be there from the beginning for my childen. And it hurts me at how so many people don't get it and act or say things to imply that my children are differant because I did not give them birth. I hurts me that my baby shower came after my baby was home... I don't like it when they treat us differently. Maybe our children are different.... they are even more special... we don't take them for grantid... we had to cry, pray, suffer, fear, and search the world to bring our babies home.... they were chosen... they were miracles... they are the healing balm to wounded souls... they are OUR children...
How thankful I am that this day happened now that you can go home to your girls... with them you can get through... I remember the days before my babies and it still is almost more than I can bare to go back there.
(((((((((((((Big Hug))))))))))))))
One last thing.... think of all the women who gave birth and yet were never truly Moms.... You are a Mom to your baby girls and in the long run that is all that truly matters.
Love ya

Jen M. said...

Rony. I am so sorry. You sound so upset. I hope you feel better tonight. I'm sending you a hug. I really am sorry, honey.

Jen M. said...

And I also want to add:

I, too, love the dress.

People are insensitive ass hats.

You showed a lot of class by keeping it together in front of those morons.

I like the new blog look.

mexican chopsticks said...

What planet was she from? Come on, everyone knows what's in style now!
She wish she could look like you!!
You look GREAT, that dress is a keeper!

stephanie said...

First of all, the dress is gorgeous and you look divine in it!

Secondly, I've been there too. Thinking that I'm all fine and come to terms with the fertility thing and then out of nowhere, a single comment can put me in a tailspin. I'm sorry this happened to you that day.

Heather said...

I've gotta tell ya: The dress is adorable. And the miracle of adoption is... in my opinion... the greatest miracle of all. Truly. Nothing can take away your pain, I know that. But just know that there are a lot of us out here who REALLY. DO. GET. IT. Keep smiling girlfriend.

Sandra said...

I am so sorry....For what it's worth, I love the dress and I think you look fab!

new girl said...

Ohhh, boy, I am going to write my thank you for coming by my blog on another post. While I was scrolling down to find the original swimming pool post, I found this. Oh, I know I'm way late and your probably feeling better now, but I'm so sorry for the crappy comment/feeling especially while wearing such a CUTE dress. I just found out one of my best friends (almost 40) is pg, and man, I'm happy for her, but it's still hard. I cried too.

Mark & Michelle said...

Shit - that is a ROUGH day. I am sorry that you were not able to conceive, but you do 'have your own' now...