Catch up...

• Summer is not even here and the craziness has already started. *snicker* I'm not a fan of bullets but here goes.
  

• We spent Memorial Day weekend in the Shennandoah mountains at the Mcghayville Resort with Jeff's dad, step-mom and extended family who all drove in from Florida. Our version of the Brady Bunch. "His, hers and theirs". His step brother and his wife were there with their two children, Matthew (6 years old) and Molly (same age as Katie and Abbey). The kids all got along as if they'd known one another forever even though it was there first time meeting. And as a bonus we got to celebrate Jeff's brother's 20th birthday at a really cute Italian restaurant in town. We had such a great time. Made me miss Florida that much more. Note to self: must force sweet thing to see things my way....miss the ocean.....
  
  

• We all had scheduled doctor appointments this past Tuesday. Eye check ups for the hurricanes, physical for daddy, and me, well I got to see my "ladee doctor". My most dreaded doctor visit of all! I don't know why I haven't had a complete hysterectomy with my gynecological history. I really thought at one point she was extracting the one ovary I have left! AND I could have squashed her head with my thighs when she whispered "this is going to be a little uncomfortable"! I swear to g-d I had tears in my eyes. Gads talk about painful. Anyway, although we've always known it was a possibility that little miss Abbey would eventually be wearing glasses, it appears as if it could be much sooner than planned. We have a follow-up visit in 6-months and at that time they will determine if she needs to be wearing glasses. Fun. Fun.
  






• Sweet thing and I celebrated yet another anniversary. Number 8. The bronze year. This after all of us spent the day at the doctor being pocked and prodded. However, much to our surprise Miss Mai offered to watch the girls so that we could spend a quiet evening out celebrating alone. Apparently even my strong protesting couldn't shake her stubborn plan. I was concerned that she would be missing school. But after she reminded me she only had two weeks left AND she had never missed a day of school I agreed reluctantly. I had already planned on preparing a special dinner for the family, but a quiet dinner out with sweet thing, well it was awesome. She is a gem! Sweet thing and I milked it for all it was worth with drinks, dinner, dessert, and cappuccino. AND the best part. No interruptions!



• I barely beat sweet thing home from work the other night, which meant that I needed to walk Mag's. I didn't think anything about the diarrhea she had, but it was after we got back in the house and I realized she had gotten sick all over the house. The worst part about it was that if I did not know about her bad belly I would have thought she shit all over the house. Worse yet, did I mention sweet thing was not home so that meant I had to clean it up. I didn't think anything about my comment of "g-d damn it Maggie" that I must have said 100 times over as I was scrubbing up the mess or the fact that I kept saying "this is total crap", BUT I then heard a little voice behind me chanting "crap damn it Maggie, crap damn it"! I stopped dead in my tracks paralyzed. Uh-oh. I was so busted. Gotta clean up my potty mouth and now! lol. To make matters worse in the middle of cleaning up the mess sweet thing called to ask what I wanted for dinner! Yes, I appreciated the thoughtfulness, but everything around me smelled like shit. To make it even worse it looked like a thick brown gravy that smelled like shit! It took everything I had not to hurl as I cleaned up the gooey mess.

• My little hurricanes are weeks away from turning three. Three. Years. Old. I look at them and don't know where the past two years have gone. I sat and cried the other day looking back at photos of them as babies. I can't believe they are no longer babies. They have such cute personalities. Not to mention their adorable little squeals and giggles. My little sas mouths. lol. They bring me the most joy of all. I can not imagine life without them.
  
  



• Two of my dearest friends are overseas bringing their children home. Both are neighbors, well, Marianne was a neighbor but unfortunately moved.... Out of state. Anyway Marianne is in Albanian meeting her darling boy. I know her heart will be heavy having to leave him until they return. I'm thinking about you girl. I can't wait to meet little Andri. AND my neighbor Christine is in China brining Evie home. G-d we can not wait! I wish you were here now but I know you wanted baby Evie to meet your parent's before returning to the states. We love you all. It has been a good week afterall. :)

Revealing a piece of my soul...

We were driving home from Ohio a couple of weeks ago, the girls were in the back singing at the top of their lungs, when I had an epiphany. One of those uh-ha moments. I couldn't shake the image. I started thinking about my past and the people who have touched my life. We all have one and I've never hidden mine. I realized at that very moment that I never wanted to forget any of the details of my life, down to my "first" love . It was after all part of who I was today. Today I will peel away some of the layers and share with you who I am and how I got here. I'll share a piece of my heart....Grab a glass of wine this could take a while......

I always knew had no idea what I wanted for as long as I can recall. I giggled at the thought of him, my first love to as if it were yesterday. He could bring me to my knees just with a flash of his smile. I swear I would nearly melt right there on the floor. He had the most gorgeous eyes and movie star good looks. G-d. I. Knew. He. Was. The.One. I was in love. The first kiss. The one that would leave me breathless and panting for more. And that body. Ahhhh, the body. He was my first. I loved him so deeply. Well, so I thought. We dated for a year maybe longer. But then things started to changed. What I had found so endearing were now plain annoying. I didn't want or need him telling me what to do, but I didn't know how to get rid of him. I didn't want to hurt him. Fortunately for me, we moved. And far away. I knew there was no future with him. Ev-er. Not that he didn't want it. I think he thought we would be forever and ever. I could not see me spending my life with him.( I was much to young to be thinking of forever!) He had no plans or his future. So I broke up with him with the excuse that it would be impossible to date long distance. He cried like a baby. I remember looking at him and feeling so sorry for him. He looked so weak at that moment. I turned and walked away never to look back. This would become a pattern for me over the years. When things got "edgy" I would throw in the towel. It was easier to let them go then try to explain that they just weren't right for me. To be continued........

Note: I haven't seen "him" in years.....(like almost 30!) and have know idea what ever became of him.....When I broke up with him I moved on in my heart...I imagine he is still a looker. He was such a nice guy.

Crazeeee

It's been one of those crazy kind of weeks. Crazy like ha-ha and not crazy like funny. Here's a little sneak pre-view on some of the moments that made me say "wtf"?

What I heard next was "Well, you're dry... and severely dry"... wtf was he saying. "Silicone"... thinking to myself been down that route..... "Plugs".....hmmm... what was he talking about? Was he looking at my eyes? Not dry "down there" my eye-balls you goof. They are so dry that I am literally scratching the cornea every time I blink. I went the the doctor's the other day (with the twins in tow) because I thought I was going blind . Well, I am legally blind, but I thought my eye sight was deteriorating over night. I was literally counting the steps to the bathroom in the dark preparing for the day my world went dark. Plus my right eye has been a mass of redness for a month. I squint terribly to read street signs and I don't dare go anywhere at night. I am unable to read bumper stickers or the car in front of me that I am nearly making love to. I discovered not only do I have a astigmatism but my prescription had changed drastically from a year ago. The good doc wanted me to think about having punctual plugs permanently inserted. He promised that it would be painless and I wouldn't need to use Artificial Tears the rest of my life. Sounds like an easy solution.

S.T. receives a package in the mail the other day. A small package. Really small package. What do you suppose was inside? Vitamins. But not just any vitamins. Now he takes vitamins. I don't. These were special vitamins. Cobra. Sexual. Energy. Vitamins. Hmmm, I don't know if he ordered these for him, or for me! My idea of sex these days is rubbing hineys as we crawl in and mumbling "goo-night".... poor s.t. We're gonna pop the seal on those babies tonight and see what happens! He said if he were to have a heart attack do not tell the paramedics he took Cobra. I would never......bwhahahaha.

I was minutes away from my hair salon babbling on the phone with my sister. The car is the only quiet place I have these days. No interruptions. Anyway my eyes quickly scans to my rear view mirror and there behind me larger than life is one of Virginia's finest . I was cool. I hadn't done anything. As the light changes I proceed with caution to turn left. Now I'm aware he's behind me, so I'm not going to do anything stupid. I even use my turn signal. Before I could even accelerate blue lights are flashing. I throw down my fone and start freaking out. I know I was NOT speeding dammit! I watch as Officer Pete (I think that's what he said his name was) saunters up to my car. WITH HIS HAND ON HIS HOLSTER. I immediately start panicking. I'm eyeing the sky expecting the police helicopter to swoop down upon me. Did he have time to access my record?! Shit. I just know he can hear my heart pounding as he steps closer to the car. I smile at weakly at him my eye starts twitching. Oh, great. Thank g-d I was wearing my sun glasses! He says "ma'am, (oh that's nice, make me feel really old!) the reason I pulled you over is because your tags are expired". Without missing a beat I respond (in my best Valley Girl voice) "no way, my husband takes care of the tags" as I'm reaching for phone to call s.t.. He looks at me stoically as if I was lying and says "the DMV has no record of you re-newing. As me and officer Doo-right are searching through ALL of my registrations we find 2006, 2007 and 2008 but no 2009! I would think he would have surmised that there clearly was a pattern here..... But still I was waiting for the cameras from "COPS" to show up as I was being carted me off to jail. BUT, he didn't cart me off, instead he gave me a ticket and asked me to sign a statement admitting my guilt. "Wtf"? I didn't do anything wrong. I clearly could see how this was going down. We were going to have a pissing match and I was going to admit my guilt in exchange for 10-20 without parole. I would be doing hard time with the likes of serial killers. I contemplated not signing but wondered how long he would hold me up. I was now late for my beauty treatment and my blood pressure was up. I guess 9:15a.m. would be to early for drink. *sigh*

Funny how since my girls arrival my life no longer revolves around me. I know my uptown girls would be aghast at what I use to shampoo and conditioning my golden mane with, but hell I don't really care. I love it and it's cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap I tell you. Anyway, I was in dire need of a little "touch-up". I've kept my dirty blond a pretty pale blond for more years than I can remember. But I was a bit miffed when I received the bill for my "partial" highlights and the bill was nearly what I pay for the deluxe! Needless to say I disputed the charges and I told them in a nice way that I never expected to pay that much for a 1/2 treatment! She quickly checked with my hair dresser who reduced the price by $40.00 stat. something about not wanting to loose me as a customer. Ummm- I smell a funny. It's a good thing, cuz she wasn't going to get a tip if she didn't! I know she is use to her trust fund ladies (who live on 20k a month+fh=bottomless pit) who never question what she charges them. But that's not me! Made me sad that she would try to take advantage of me. I've been a loyal customer for a long time.

S.T. let our cleaning lady go after over a year with her. I don't know why but it upset me more than I think it did her. Of course we didn't tell her it was because she sucked as a cleaning lady. He made up some shit about us traveling for the next couple of months. Like we do that. lol....I asked him if he was sure she understood that we wouldn't be needing her any longer. He assured me that she did. I said, "do you think she was relieved when you told her"? He looked at me and said "yeah, I do"! We both laughed our asses off. Our new housekeeper started the very next week. She charged us double to clean the house the first time because it was so filthy (I should be embarrassed. right?) and she and her partner were here over 5 hours. That was a tough one to swallow. But this past week s.t. said she was only here just barely 4 hours. Progress. The house now smells and looks clean again.

Notice: Some of you have asked about the darling T's (they are NOT onesies) the girls are wearing. I did a wine party a week or so ago for the DC Metro Moms and a local mom/blogger was there with her wares. Apparantley she rubs elbows with the rich and famous. AND I ain't talking about the "wannabe rich" I'm talking the uber-duber super rich! Hollywood style. Check out her site at http://babybrewing.com/mommy-needs/. Just a word of caution other than you're gonna go wild and shoot your wad on her stuff--the adult lady man beaters run small. I ordered a medium (cuz that's what size I wear) and I look like Dolly Parton stuffed into a size 0! So some lucky super tiny (you know who you are) will be receiving in the mail.......

Don't do this!

Feeling a littlewith all my free time anxious lately I decided to clean out the junk cabinet which are overflowing with meds. Like I have time on my hands. Some of the meds dated to early 2000! Conversation s.c. and I have while getting ready for dinner.

Me: "hey honey, there's something wrong with the sink".

S.C. "what"?

Me: "it's backing up". immediatly wondering if I could be responsible, but quickly realize not possible.

S.C. as he saunters over and asks "what did you put in it"?

Me: "nothing, but I did dump the expired meds down the garbage disposal". I could feel his eyes buring a hole in the back of my head.

S.C. in his stern authoritive voice "you. never. put. anything. but. food. down. the. disposal".

Me: ignoring him "do we have any draino"?

S.C. "yeah" with a heavy sigh.

An hour later the water was still standing.

Me: "should I get the plunger"?

S.C. Ignoring me.. "what is this orange stuff floating"? As he dumps the rest of the draino down the drain.

Me: "oh, that, umm I dumped the Metamucil down the drain. But I did run the water". Like that would matter...of course it was enough Metamucil to service an entire country for the next 20 years!

S.C. "oh this is gonna cost us".

Well, he wasn't kidding. He quickly googled "dumping Metamucil down the drain" and shared with me what he discovered. Not only do you not pour Metamucil down the drain but if you by chance were stupid enough and did, you never EV-ER pour draino down it(we were cracking up) and NEVER use a plunger! We both just laughed our asses off. Thank g-d we didn't fetch the plunger. The plumber who by the way earns what the neurologists I'm placining out of med school earn AND THEY MAKE A BOAT LOAD was here for one hour (that's right--one hour) and charged us $320.00. The parts were $12.00! What a costly lesson......not laughing now.....ouch!

New Wig

I've been feeling blah, blah, blah lately. I suppose it could have something to do with the extra five 10 pounds I'm carrying around like gum on my shoe. Or that my "squeeze box" doesn't hang on every word that I gush lately. Have I lost my "mojo"? I recall a time not so long ago where I was notorious for my famous sashaying dock walk. Boy could I turn a head or two. They were eager to park their car in my garage too. Baby I had it. I digress. I'm sure it comes as know surprise but I've always been a bit of a "snob" when it came to my appearance. Looking my best regardless of the price tag. Staying fit at the expense of grueling hours at the gym. Regular manicures, pedicure, massages, facials, and of course the hair. The. hair. My guy was convinced this was normal. Well, if he wanted to see the kitty. Cut dipped and clipped ready for a quick trip to the islands at a moments notice. Kitty too. I feel guilty that I have let my self go since brining the girls home. I rarely remember my lipstick before rushing out the door with shoe in hand as I jump in the car. Butt is expanding like a rubber band. Yes, things have changed. The girls are our priority. I'm not complaining. Really. I don't know how I allowed myself to get so out of shape and well, frumpy though. So, I scheduled an appointment to have my beehive coiffed. I knew I needed a little pick-up. A zinger. And then there it was. I knew this hair cut too. I made short and sassy way cute before her. I did! So, I braved it and whispered to the miracle worker what I was considering. What do you think?! I think I got my mojo back......

It's my party

Lol. Yep, that's me. I just love the sound of my own syrupy seductive voice. Who doesn't right?! I had to remind myself that THIS. Is. MY. BLOG. No one else's. I can talk about whatever I want to here. Nothing is off limits. Nothing. This is my place to expound, vent, or express myself like an engorged bossom waiting for her youngin. Verbose? Exhausting? Comedic? Heartfelt? Guilty. I like to talk. I'm taking off my bra and panties and I'm going to talk about what I want to. Whether it's flimsy, meaningless, or something I"m passionate about. I've realized that I don't always "let it all hang out" gasp and this year I'm gonna. So, if it offends let me show you to the door now.....

She bugs me. Really, really bugs me. I just don't get what all the fuss is abut.I suffer through as she interrogate interview many of my favorite star as she flits her manicured hands in the air as if swatting flies. Flipping and tossing her hair around like a teen with a crush. AND the way she leers at her prey subject with her gigantic choppers. Could they be any bigger?! She can barely get her collagen lips over her teeth. Freaky. Surely she's heard that "less is the new more". Ugh. Clearly fighting with the aging process as she clings onto what was. It pains me. Who you ask. Jill Rappaport. She and this illusion of good. Now that's a whole other post. Ok, I feel better. Next up.

I detest road warriors. And especially in rush hour traffic. As I sit in my car anxiety ridden calmly idling waiting my turn to move an inch I see him out of the corner of my eye. He's weaving in and out of the traffic. For a minute I feel like I'm back in China! He looks good. Or so he thinks in his big bad black shiny machine . Jut daring anyone to jump out in front of him. And then there here is. Bam. Squeezing into a space clogged thicker than an artery. Jerk! You're so cool in your your big ole stinkin Hummer. Look. At. You. And get off the phone. Romeo. I'm assuming you can read cuz you had to pass a motor test in order to drive that pimp daddy smokin machine thing. But, could you not see the big yellow sign? The one that says "hey you lame ass, lane ends merge here, moron"! WTF? Of course there is the other scenario too. You know the ones who sit in the passing lane driving 45 mph trimming their nose hairs. On the beltway! Shzzz.



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This has been my week in the car on the beltway. I hope this is not going to be a daily occurrence!! I thought for a minute this morning I was back in south Florida. Well, not because of the weather, but the elderly behind the wheel. Their lives are good and the martinis are free flowing everyday. Life is one big party. But not here. Not in our nations capital where everyone works. Or is a politician. lol. Not a high concentration of retirees in this area. I observed this boat in the passing lane causing everyone to pass in frustration. And then there she was right in front of me. Like a hood ornament! She finally moves to the far right lane. I'm inching up on her left when I feel her very close. Very, very close. SHE WAS. She was again changing lanes but merging into my lane! My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to jump out of my chest! I slammed on my horn (on the beltway) and in her semi-conscious stupor she swerves. I suspect a little "nip" in her coffee. Anyway, she swerves right and then back to the left and almost smashes into another car. Then she's back in my lane. We were sharing my lane. Again. I'm all about the elderly keeping their independence but for the love of g-d not at the expense of a life. I glance in my rear view mirror and she was in the median where the two lanes met. I'm sure she was shook up. I know I was.